well I am going to write my thoughts here since no one knows me....
today has been a hard day for me... I just keep crying.. I know why. I just don't understand it.. I have been seperated from him for 5 years!! why do I still cry over him.. why do I still miss him so very much... this is crazy.. if I could leave everything and go to him I would... would he still want me... probably not.. but I would still try.. what the hell is wrong with me!! I am to old for this stupid shit!! FUCK! Mike wants me.. he loves me for christs sakes!! he has accepted me with all my faults.. why isn't this enough for me?? why do I have to put my heart in harms way.. Kevin was not good to me. he cheated on me soo much. but I love him.. I miss him so much.. Ashlee would hate me if I ever went back to him.. I love her so much I would never be able to handle her hateing me.. and she would.. so I guess as usual I will just put my feelings aside and do what is best for every one else.. no one understands how I feel.. there is no one to talk to.... I can't tell Mile.. hey the reason I have been such a bitch is because I miss Kevin!! I am just so sad.. if it weren't for the kids I would have killed myself already... not that I have been much of a parent.. I didn't keep Kirk with me.. I couldn't even take care of him.. Ashlee lived with me for a few years... and then she went with her dad.. and the bitch he married... If it wasn't for her Ashlee would be happy where she is at... but that whore makes my babys life a fuckin hell... and then there is Alicia... I was such a whore I don't even know who her dad IS! between 2 guys, and one don't even know thathe may have a 12 year old child..
I talked to Dennis last night.. he is going back home in a few months.. he will be there for 2 weeks.. I guess he and some girl he knew befor are going to hook up.. oh well.. I really don't care about him.. he was just for the moment thing.. just another guy that I used...